Oh god this morning I woke up to an image of you behind my eyelids and I just sprang awake. I’ve stopped seeing you in my waking hours but when it’s a different story in a different realm. And today I just cannot seem to erase your image from the back of my eyelids; it’s like you never left. Or it’s like I never left. But why talk about the technicalities of who left first when it’s been so long? I dream of the both of you being happy on the sands and maybe that’s how time and future is supposed to be. Even if we didn’t have that period of uncertainty and were happy together, you probably might have left me. Or I would have killed myself. Or I would have ran away 10 months on. Or 12. Or you would have ran after me or her or gone away together. The thing is, even if we could rewind time and fix the faulty wires to make sure the future maps the way we want, I’m not sure if we would do it. If we could erase the seeds of doubt and discontentment and restlessness, I’m not sure if you would do it.